Seasons In Exile

The writings of a man reinventing himself out of necessity...

Monday, April 11, 2005

Stir Crazy

I don't get it.

I mean, I really don't get it.

Why am I still here? Why am I still around? I should have gone into exile months ago. But I haven't. Even though what is happening to me is the worst thing most people can conceive (and given the worse things one can be involved with, that shows just how screwed up people's priorities are), I'm still here.

The wait is killing me. I just want to get this over with and get on with my life, or what's left of it. But no, I get to sit here, unable to do much of anything at all, just simply killing time until my fate is dealt to me.

I can't work. I can't party. I can't do alot of the things I used to do in my previous life. And it sucks.

People turn away. Those who hated me now hate me even more. Friends have either drifted away or have outright turned against me. Only a few remain, and these few will be gone soon, too, since I have to let go and say goodbye to the life I'm leading now.

Do I need therapy? No. I already know where my mind stands. Do I need a sympathetic ear? No, and I highly doubt there are any out there, anyway. Do I need an escape? Yes, but that's not really possible, as it would put me further in the hole that I'm in right now, anyway.

This sucks. I'm stuck here, wasting away, my life on hold while the powers-that-be take their lovely time in dishing out my destiny.

I wish they'd just get it over with...